The Fix

This minister and Mr. Mitchell had a conference call. “Mr. Mitchell, we desperately seek your advice about a rather delicate matter. He went on to describe their program. “So, what you’re telling me is that they are clinically dead, but wake up two days later”, asked Mitchell. “Yes, our doctors will certify truthfully that they are clinically dead on the date of death. We just don’t schedule an autopsy because of the risk that they might rebound in two days”, said the Minister. “Well heck son, these good Christians in Congress ain’t gonna fight a good old fashioned resurrection. There is a budget reconciliation bill going through Congress right now, I’ll get Congressman Pockets to put a rider on the bill which amends 26 U.S.C. Section 7701 of the Internal Revenue Code to read as follows: “Death, solely for the purposes of this Title, shall be determined by a licensed physician at the location where the deceased person dies and cannot thereafter be questioned even if the physician made an error or the person recovers later.” After hanging up, he sent an email to Congressman Pockets to add this to the bill. The chief legislative aide to Congressman Pockets looked at the language. “Seems rather straight-forward to me”, said the aide. “If the guy is certified as dead, he’s dead”. He sent the language to the Budget Office for scoring and it received a budget score of zero since no one believed that it would impact the budget at all or if it did, it would be so minuscule that it would not be worth calculating. So, it was inserted into the budget resolution and signed into law by the President. On December 14, 2010.

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