Author Archives: John

Your Son’s a Genius

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November 3, 2009.

“Dad, you’re going to kill yourself and me if you keep this stuff up. If you were to die today we would lose the dealership, because of having to pay Uncle Sam $100 Million in estate taxes.”

Jack, Sr. looked surprised at his son’s passion about the dealership and his lack of passion over his condition. “Son, you didn’t say that you were happy to see me survive.” “Dad, I love you, but you’re driving me crazy with this teen behavior you’ve been exhibiting these days, fast cars, fast women, sports camps, drinking and driving. I’m no saint, but you need to remember you’re not 25 anymore.”

November 25, 2009

“Welcome back, Jack. Glad to see you’ve had a full recovery from that beaning. You’re looking nice and tanned after that desert stay”, said Beau Price, a top salesman at the dealership.

“Good to be back Beau, how things swinging around here?” Jack, Sr. asked. “Bout as good as can be expected in this economy. Folks is hurting, and when they’s hurting, they ain’t buying cars unless the old one breaks down or sumthin.” “How’s Junior doing running the place?” Jack, Sr. inquired with a stern look. “Doin’ good, real good. The boy’s a financial genius. If he hadn’t been on top a things, we’d have cratered for sure.” Beau replied, ever the salesman.

Tell Me Doc is he going to live

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Jack, Jr. hung up the phone, shaking his head, “Crazy, old coot”. He called the hospital and got hold of the emergency staff who promised to call him back. He called the travel agency to get a flight out of either Nashville or Atlanta as soon as possible for Phoenix. He called in the night manager to let him know that he was in charge of the dealership for the next few days, but that if any major decisions were needed to call him on his cell phone or send him an email.

“Mr. Jenkins, this is Doctor Padhur, I am calling to let you know what’s going on with your father. He suffered a fracture of the orbital bone and a detached retina. We can refer you to a very good opthalmic surgeon who can fix those two injuries. We have him heavily sedated so that he doesn’t jerk about and lose any chance we have to fix the retina. He suffered a concussion. The petscan indicated that he’s had a few before. Luckily for him this is a mild one, the blow from the ball was not as direct as it might have been. We need your permission as next of kin to schedule these two procedures.” “Sure, doc”, Jack, Jr. responded, “And I’m on my way, I should be there sometime tomorrow morning.” “Very good”, the doctor responded. Jack, Jr. gave him his cell phone number and they ended the call. “If he keeps this up, I may not have to worry about him dying in 2010″, Junior muttered to himself.

High and Inside

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November 2, 2009

The fastball started to rise, it seemed as if it were coming toward his face in slow motion, he could see clearly the seems as the rotated toward his eye. Still nursing the effects of the party the night before, his body was frozen as if in concrete as the baseball screamed toward him. He managed to slightly turn his head which meant that the pitch hit him near his orbital bone. The tell tale cantelope splitting open sound of a baseball hitting a face echoed across the field. Jack, Sr. lost consciousness immediately.

The league kept paramedics at these games because heart attacks were so prevalent in these fantasy leagues as older out of shape men tried to re live their childhoods. They reacted instantly by immobilizing his head, putting him on a backboard and rushing him to Phoenix Hospital.

November 2, 2009

“Mr. Jenkins, this is Joe Webb from the Fantasy League, you need to get down here to Phoenix right away, there’s been an accident.” “What happened?” asked Jack, Jr. “You father got hit with a fastball in the face, he’s in route to the hospital right now. They’re taking him to Phoenix Hospital, their emergency room number is 555-555-5555.”

Baseball Anyone?

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October 15, 2009.

The Judge looked down at his old friend, Jack Jenkins, Sr. “Have the parties reached a plea agreement” the Judge inquired. “Yes, Your Honor, the State agrees to a continuance for one year based upon good behavior. If at the end of one year, there are no further charges against this defendant, the case will be dismissed” the prosecutor answered. “Is this your understanding Mr. Goldstein?”, the judge asked. “Yes, your honor.”, Goldstein replied. “Then I accept the plea agreement”, the Judge replied. “Mr. Jenkins, this Court accepts the plea agreement and you’re very lucky that you are not standing before me after being convicted of the charge, because I would be sentencing you to thirty days in jail. If I see you again, then I will sentence you to jail”, the judge intoned.

Jenkins answered humbly, “Thank you, Judge, I’ve gotten a driver for the year and trust me, I won’t be back here.”

October 30, 2009.

“Son, I’m headed to Arizona for a month to play fantasy baseball. Can you make sure that Bridget gets to the Atlanta airport to send her back to Sweden?” Jack, Sr. directed. “Sure, dad, and we have a driver lined up for you in Arizona for a month, he’ll meet you at the airport.” Junior said. Junior then turned and walked away, shaking his head. The old man was nuts.